mAKING A HAPPY kid

1. Tap into tradition.
Whether it's eating dinner together, observing birthdays and holidays, or reading bedtime stories every night, nothing is more valuable to your family than establishing rituals and traditions, says William Doherty, PhD, author of Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times (Sorin Books, 2000). Capital-T traditions -- lighting Sabbath candles or making Christmas cookies from a recipe passed down from your great-grandmother -- are important because they lend meaning to your child's life, reinforcing the bonds among family members and anchoring her to something beyond the purely temporal. Equally precious, however, are the small, seemingly inconsequential customs and rituals that are unique to your immediate family -- the fact that you order Chinese food on Friday nights, say, or compose a funny poem for your child's first day of school each year. The familiarity and predictability of these routines make a child feel safe.

2. Say it with a song.
Claims that listening to classical music will make your child smarter are greatly exaggerated, but there is no doubt about music's mood-altering qualities. In ancient times, music and musical instruments were believed to have powers that healed both the body and the mind. In modern times, countless teachers have documented the therapeutic effects of song (in one 1996 study at the University Hospitals of Cleveland, children who listened to "I've Been Working on the Railroad" while getting an inoculation felt less pain than those who didn't have music played for them). And most of us know from everyday experience that a great song lifts our spirits and eases stress. After all, it's pretty hard to be in a bad mood during a rollicking rendition of "Old McDonald Had a Farm," especially if the whole family joins in.

3. Be community minded.
Active participation in your community sends at least two important messages to your child. When you coach a Little League team, for example, or pitch in at your preschool's fund-raiser, your child realizes that what matters to her matters to you. And that gives her confidence a powerful boost. But on an even more fundamental level, your involvement underscores the value of community itself. It makes kids feel that they are part of a larger whole, and that individuals can affect others in a positive way. Not surprisingly, research has also found a strong correlation between altruism and happiness, so why not get your child involved in helping others? Take her along when you volunteer at a local soup kitchen, or join in a neighborhood cleanup. Even young kids can discover the satisfaction of giving back.

4. Curb your cynicism.
We live in an age of ironic detachment, so you may not always be aware of the corrosive effect your flip comments have on your child. Yet a cynical attitude can take a huge toll on your child's sense of security, a crucial component of happiness. Kids need to believe that the world is a good place and that people are basically decent. Never mind that you have concluded that your child's teacher is an idiot or that your elected officials are incompetent. When you voice these opinions, you undermine your child's faith in the people and the institutions around her. As a result, she may begin to view the world as a scary place.

5. Encourage your child's passions.
Happiness researchers agree that being truly absorbed in a challenging task is perhaps the surest route to happiness. Being completely caught up in an activity can be achieved through all sorts of endeavors, from stamp collecting to painting to automobile repair. That's why it's important to expose your child to a wide range of experiences to see what appeals to him. This is not, we hasten to point out, an endorsement of the frantic overscheduling that has befallen so many children. The idea is to make your child aware of all that's available, allowing him to gravitate toward one or two pursuits that are meaningful to him. Even if your child throws his intellectual and creative energy into what will almost certainly be a passing fancy -- collecting Pokemon cards, for instance, or playing basketball morning, noon, and night -- the ability to totally immerse himself in an activity he loves will give him a leg up on happiness throughout his life.

6. Raise a nature kid.
In today's high-tech world, most of us don't take enough time to enjoy Mother Nature. Yet an appreciation of the natural world, with its dazzling array of everyday miracles, nourishes us in innumerable ways. Nature engages all of a child's senses, encourages reflection and acute observation, and helps stimulate the recognition of a just and purposeful existence, says Colleen Cordes, a founder of the Alliance for Childhood based in Takoma Park, Maryland. In other words, the inherent order we see in nature gives rise to a similar feeling in us. The certainty that each year the snow will melt and make way for crocuses, and that the green leaves of summer will deepen into orange and brown, provides a vital antidote to the frenetic, high-tech world most of us inhabit.

7. Bring home a four-legged friend.
Deciding whether to get a pet can be tough for parents: The commitment of time and energy is huge and (your child's assurances to the contrary) most of the pet care will end up being your responsibility. Still, there's convincing evidence that taking it on is worth the effort. According to Gail F. Melson, author of Why the Wild Things Are: Animals in the Lives of Children (Harvard University Press, 2001), pets often provide reassurance when kids are worried and afraid. And kids absorb crucial lessons about empathy, loyalty, and attachment from the animals they love. Through nurturing pets and investing emotionally in them, children learn to care for and look after others, says Melson. In addition, pets make children feel valued and competent. Remember that a pet doesn't have to be a dog or a cat; guinea pigs, rabbits, and even small reptiles make lovely and relatively low-maintenance pets. If a pet is out of the question, your child can still get exposure to animals through visits to a zoo or nature center.

8. Make your house a home.
The advice to sharpen your housekeeping skills may seem trivial, but maintaining a pleasant domestic environment for your children is more important than you might think. If your house is disorganized or messy, kids are less likely to want to have friends over. Keeping things neat and in place give kids a feeling of peace and contentment. However, you don't want to turn into a compulsive neat-freak. Comfort is a big part of happiness, and kids need to feel free to run, jump, get dirty, and be occasional slobs in their own homes -- by themselves and with their playmates.

9. Serve happy meals.
As adults, most of us are aware that eating healthily, under pleasant, unhurried conditions, makes us feel better in both body and spirit. Children, though, rarely have that much insight into themselves. That's why it's up to parents to make mealtime a positive experience from an early age. That means turning off the TV, sitting down together as a family, and eating nutritious foods. The difference in kids' dispositions (not to mention their health) can be dramatic. In February 2003, ABC's Good Morning America reported on a secondary school in Appleton, Wisconsin, that saw its discipline problems plummet after it overhauled its lunchtime routine. Round tables replaced the standard rectangular ones in the cafeteria to create a more relaxed, convivial atmosphere, and the menu began featuring fresh fruits and vegetables, whole-grain breads, and additive-free entrees instead of the standard pizza, soda, fries, and vending-machine junk. To the amazement of the school's principal, discipline and behavioral problems decreased dramatically after the new program was introduced. Just imagine how your kids will benefit if you do this same thing at home.

10. Get physical.
This advice cuts two ways. First, show your children lots of physical affection: hugs, kisses, back rubs, tummy tickles. Apart from demonstrating that you're crazy about them, touch has the power to relieve stress and elevate mood. Second, you get your kids moving. Whether it's because strenuous activity releases feel-good brain chemicals such as endorphins (as one of the most popular theories maintains) or simply because meeting a physical challenge confers a positive feeling of achievement, a mountain of research has established a link between regular exercise and psychological well-being. In addition, children who are physically fit have a more positive body image than those who are sedentary. Finally, it's just plain fun for kids to run, jump, swim, ride bikes, and play ball -- ideally, with you joining in. After all, isn't having fun the most basic definition of happiness?
The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition.

Woman with confidence

1. Make a great entrance
"For a truly graceful entrance, check your self-consciousness at the door. There is an ease that comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Hesitation can mar even the most elegant premiere. If you don't know a soul, head toward a person near the back of the room. Chances are you'll find a friendly face along the way." --Nancy Friday, author of Our Looks, Our Lives

2. Work the room
"You first must learn to overcome mingle-phobia. Psych yourself up to enter a room. Then make your move. If you don't know anyone at the gathering, walk up to a group, smile widely, introduce yourself and say: 'I don't know a soul at this party. Can I join you guys?' This usually gets a warm, sympathetic reception, and people chat you up immediately." --Miss Mingle (a.k.a. Jeanne Martinet), author of The Art of Mingling

3. Recover gracefully
"If you forget someone's name: Remember that this kind of thing happens to people all the time, confident or not, so don't be too embarrassed. First, admit to forgetting the person's name. Second, slap the palm of your hand to your forehead in mock horror and say, 'I can't even remember my own mother's name!' At this point, the other person will surely remind you of their name. Then simply say, 'I promise never to forget it again,' and move on."--Etiquette expert Letitia Baldrige, author of Letitia Baldrige's Complete Guide to the New Manners for the '90s

4. Tell a great story
"Avoid phrasing your story as a joke. People think when they tell stories they have to get to a punch line, but punch lines are not in themselves amusing. You should have a deep personal interest or investment in your story -- it should be either profoundly moving or profoundly funny. The story needn't have happened to the storyteller, so long as the storyteller is also deeply moved by what she's recounting. Remember which details are important. Gesturing is fine so long as it comes about naturally, but a good story well told and full of conviction needs little adornment. The words are what's most important."--Malachy McCourt, author of A Monk Swimming

5. Stay calm
"If you have a lot of nervous energy you need to get rid of, do a quick burst of aerobic activity, like jumping jacks. Then get focused. Find a quiet spot to be alone and take a few breaths before you walk into the room. Then take another slow, relaxing breath once you've entered and taken your place in front of everyone. You won't lose their attention -- when you're standing right in front of them, that's impossible. Then smile. People buy things from and listen to people who smile at them."--Valerie Adami, director of programming at Weist-Barron School of Television Acting in New York

6. Ask for a raise
"Casually say to your boss at the start of the day, 'I'd love a minute of your time today,' letting him or her choose when you will meet. When you're face-to-face say, 'I really enjoy this job and working for you' and list the specific contributions you've made recently. Then take the plunge: 'Do you think you might consider giving me a raise?' Don't speak in specific numbers unless asked. End the conversation with 'Please don't feel pressure to answer right away.' This lets your boss feel in control and perhaps especially generous when she offers you that raise in a couple of days' time."--Lauren Wiesenthal, partner at the New York legal search consulting firm Corrao, Miller, Rush, and Wiesenthal

7. Be a good haggler
"The key to getting a fair deal is to first do your homework. Pick up an issue of Consumer Reports, talk to friends, look for any information that will give you the inside scoop on what the item you want really is. Always ask for a little more or offer a little less than your limit. If you have doubts, take a night to think it over."--Michael Donaldson, author of Negotiating for Dummies

8. Overcome fear
"Fear is a lot like pain -- it's your guide to pinpointing what's bothering you. After I blew out my knee in a crash while training for a competition, jumps scared me, so I had to learn to replace my fear with a strategy. The best way I've found is to rehearse the situation in your head and mentally walk your way up to the point where you feel the fear most intensely. Next, shift to something very calming (for me, it's a beach at sunset) and as you do a mental run-through, breathe out, physically relaxing your body. Then imagine yourself going through the motions flawlessly while your body and mind are relaxed. In essence, you're conditioning your mind to replace fear with success."--Picabo Street, Olympic skiing champion

9. Don't be intimidated
"Stop all the negative thoughts in your head, then visualize yourself pushing the other person 100 feet away from you. Imagine him or her as being very small and in black and white. This will immediately reverse any feeling of inferiority. Once you've mentally laid the groundwork, you want to be the first person to say something so that the conversation is in your control. Don't say anything competitive or defensive; instead, ask something personal like 'How is your family?' Be sincere and it will probably throw off the other person's power-tripping ways."--Anankha K. Chandler, certified hypnotherapist and author of Therapist in a Box: Emotional Healing

10. Tell a joke
"Never announce that you're about to tell a joke; it sets expectations too high and there's a better chance you'll fall flat. The joke should stem naturally from the conversation, so that people get sucked in before they even know you're telling it. Whether you're telling something that happened to a friend or something that happened last month, always say something like 'on the way over here' instead and make them believe it just happened to you. People will get more emotionally invested when it's more immediate. If your joke brings the house down, don't press your luck with another one. Always leave them wanting a little bit more."--Tom Hertz, comedian and Emmy Award-winning writer for Dennis Miller Live

off of stuffonmycat.com

If i ever

have children...I would love to have pictures like this. I really like this picture of Madonna and Lourdes.

Women-stuff

The female sex hormone oestrogen prevents the growth of facial bone, reduces the size of the nose and chin, and leads to large eyes, increased thickness of lips and fat deposition in the cheek area, along with hips and buttocks, features that announce that a woman is fertile.




Typical female face with high (left) and low (right) oestrogen levels

The benefits of marriage, in terms of health, longevity, resistance to depression and even greater wealth, have been demonstrated repeatedly

Confidence

Work
By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor

New responsibilities, difficult co-workers or a tough situation can trip up your self-esteem on the job just when you need to be at your best. Here are seven ways to build your confidence and help you take on your day with assurance:

1. Reframe Failure. Don't dwell on past failures or obsess over mistakes. After spending years trying to create an incandescent light bulb, Thomas Edison told a colleague, "I have not failed; I have discovered 1,200 materials that don't work." Know that setbacks are normal and reframe any failure as a learning experience.

2. Remember, It's Not All About You. According to Roger Elliott, who teaches courses and runs a Web site dedicated to building self-confidence, low self-esteem is often accompanied by too much focus on the self. Conversely, individuals who are self-confident are seldom self-conscious. If you're making a presentation, you'll be much more effective if you concentrate on the audience and your message rather than on how you look or sound. Or, if you find yourself ruminating over an unpleasant encounter, you'll feel better and be infinitely more productive if you stop worrying and engage in an activity that absorbs you and holds your attention.

3. Fake It 'Til You Make It. Adopt the posture and body language of the self-assured. Walk tall, smile and make eye contact. Appear calm and in control. Replace any doubts or negative thoughts with the mantra: "I can do this!" Convince yourself that you are self-assured, and you will start to adopt the behaviors and skills of a confident person. Before you know it, your self-image will catch up with your actions and you will no longer have to pretend.

4. Relax. One caution when it comes to step three: People who try to project confidence while still feeling tense, often come across as overly aggressive. Many people find it useful to practice yoga, however if that's not for you, you can also try deep breathing exercises, repeating affirmations such as: "I have strength, serenity and wisdom," or visualizing a peaceful scene or experience.

5. Celebrate Your Successes. If you don't give yourself credit, no one will. Taking time to savor your successes not only feels good, but will help you develop a handy mental list of self-esteem boosting memories to get you through your next confidence crisis.

Prem Rawat

You are you. You are so different from everyone else in this world that you would be shocked if you really sat down and started to look at that. You are such an individual. That is hard to imagine because you want to be like somebody else: “I want to be like that person.” Your path, your smile, your understanding, your ideas, your way of looking at things are unique to you. It is the same for everyone, and yet, it is so unique and so different for each person.

Children's books

by Maurice Sendak

• Where the wild things are
• In the night kitchen
• The sign on Rosie's door
• Kenny's Window
• Little Bear & the missing pie
• Little Bear's bad day

Aesop's Fables

Freak Folk...this guys article

Freak FolkWith key additions finally making it to the Rhapslibrary, I can now talk about the Freak Folk (in some circles also being referred to as "Psych folk") movement that the music world's been 'abuzz' about since last year. We left off yesterday with the psychedelic (and unclassified) folk music of the 1960's and 1970's, but that doesn't get us all the way there yet.In the 1990's, there arose a new underground folk ethic that was both a reaction to the louder underground music that was prevalent at the time, and to folk music's tendency to take itself too seriously. Dubbed by Adam Green as Anti-Folk, the artists included Green's (and Kimya Dawson's) The Moldy Peaches, early Beck, Calvin Johnson, and even Ani DiFranco, sharing an affinity for melding folk traditions with punk ethics, penning ironic and sometimes nonsensical lyrics. [Much of the early Elephant 6 collective recordings (specifically early Neutral Milk Hotel, Of Montreal,) it should be noted, reflected some of this trend as well and are of influence.] Coupling this with parts of the alt-country movement (Uncle Tupelo, Freakwater, and especially Will Oldham's version of Americana) and a steady diet of the anti- and psychedelic folk from the 1960's & 70's, young artists began a trend in the 2000's that is now verging on exploding (for indie standards, it has already exploded.) It's permeating into the mainstream with movie soundtracks (Iron & Wine's contributions to Garden State and In Good Company) and, of course, television's The O.C. (Sufjan Stevens.) While the albums by Iron & Wine (Our Endless Numbered Days,) Sufjan Stevens (Seven Swans,) Devendra Banhart (Rejoicing in the Hands,) Joanna Newsom (The Milk-Eyed Mender) and Animal Collective (Sung Tongs) each have garnered an album of the year claim for 2004 from different critic's lists. It's hard to find a credible critic's list for 2004 that didn't have one or more of these releases in it's top 10.Devendra Banhart, 23, is one of the main reasons the phrase 'freak folk' came into being. Devandra (which means "king of gods" in Hindi) sings like a 1930's bluesman with a voice that cracks with tension... combined with this off-kilter visual lyrics it makes for a non-traditional folk experience, hence 'freak.' It's achingly beautiful, though, and full of mystery - much like his life story. For someone so young, he's already spent years wandering and homeless, giving more levity to his earnestness. Never shy about naming his influences, Banhart even coerced his idol Vashti Bunyan out of seclusion to sing on a song "Rejoicing in the Hands." Banhart, to cement his freak folk royalty status, put together the first and (so far) only definitive compilation of the genre with the release Golden Apples of the Sun (which you can listen to in it's entirety here) Joanna Newsom, also 23, is another 'freak' of folk. A self-proclaimed folk harpist (as opposed to classically trained harpist,) her songwriting incorporates elements of indie pop, Appalachian music, avant-garde modernism and is.. well... quirky. Her child-like, helium-flavored voice can either sound soft and sweet or like she’s punching the words out - with a yowl - and more then any other freak folk artist, it creates a polar division - you either love it or hate it. I sit on both sides, refuting my own statement. I'm both drawn and repelled at the same time. She's almost obsessively adored by her fans, and that speaks volumes right there.Animal Collective interweave plenty of acid-laced Brian Wilson harmonies and wackiness into their brand of folk. The band is composed of Avey Tare (aka David Porter) and Panda Bear(aka Noah Lennox) and established their unique brand of folk in New York City in 2000. What followed was a flush of frustrating but captivating rush of recordings, finally leading to their fabulous release, Here Comes the Indian (Paw Tracks, 2003.) It brought the listener to the crossroads of psychedelic, noise, and folk music, with it's acid-fried psychosis, crop-circle field recordings and, at times, absolute chaotic abandon. 2004's Sung Tongs (Fat Cat,) reigned in some of the crazed chaos, and, while still challenging, is quite accessible. It's an odd thrill to find yourself singing along to something that initially feels like it has no structure. This year's EP release (Prospective Hummer, Fat Cat,) continues in the same vein and finds them employing the services of (idol and influence) Vashti Bunyan on a song ("It's You.")Both Iron & Wine and Sufjan Stevens are, in many interpretations, left out of the 'freak folk' genre, instead being lumped into the more traditional 'neo-folk' classificiation. Sam Beam (Iron & Wine) is Florida singer/songwriter whose beautiful lo-fi recordings found their way to SubPop, who signed him and asked for more. Beam sent two albums worth more of his whispered acoustic gems and it was trimmed to one album (the beautiful The Creek Drank The Cradle,) and an EP (The Sea and The Rhythm.) He then transitioned fluidly from the lo-fi sounds of his home to the hi-fi studio sound for, Our Endless Numbered Days, which came out last year to accolades and movie soundtracks. His Woman King EP (still not in Rhapsody - ??) is decidedly less 'freak-folk' sounding, more blues-oriented, which is at least partly due to the further involvement of Brian Deck (Red Red Meat, Califone.)Sufjan Stevens latest release, Illinois (on the top of many best of the year so far lists,) is definitely less freak-folk sounding then previous releases (as it owes as much to classic rock as it does progressive folk,) but still is full of his soulful folk epics. A flurry of disco strings cannot hide what lies beneath. A singer/songwriter/ multi-instrumentalist, Stevens continues his 'states project' having already released his opus to home state Michigan (Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lakes State, Asthmatic Kitty, 2003.) Even though he uses loops, it's abated with lightly strummed guitars and stark banjo picking giving it a rustic northern folk aesthetic. Whether or not it's 'freak folk' is up for interpretation, but for our purposes here, he's in with the freaks. Speaking of freaks, Josephine Foster certainly qualifies as one (it's a term of endearment here, folks.) Foster is a part of the freak folk bands Born Heller and Children's Hour as well has working as a solo artist. She's most often compared to 60's UK folkie Shirley Collins (who you can listen to here.) "Earthen hymns, cosmic madrigals, flapper blues and acid folk are sewn into one luminescent patch" on her solo recordings. It's at times disturbing and wonderous, definitely not for the faint of heart. Truly puts the freak in freak folk. Likewise, Antony & The Johnsons can also be freakish. Lumped into freak folk in part because of Antony's association with Devendra Banhart (Devendra lends vocals to a song on their latest release,) it's also due to the vocal style which is a warbled histrionic affair. The track "The Lake," a musical adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's poem of the same name, is a chilling piano/cello/guitar-accompanied lament that appeared as well on Banharts compilation, Golden Apples of the Sun. Antony's latest release, I Am a Bird Now, is at the top of many best of the year lists so far.Previously:Freak Folk BeginningsMore:Freak Folk Flies High (SFGate, Thursday, April 14, 2005)The Next American Movement (Paste Magazine, #14)Freak Folk's Very Own Pied Piper (NY Times, December 12, 2004)Devendra Banhart can't listen to his own album (but you should) (Splendid Magazine)Sly, silly with more than a touch of poetry (MSNBC, June 22, 2005)tags: playlist, music, folk music, freak folk
posted by drake leLane @ 12:06 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:
At 12:19 PM, Drake LeLane said...
Freak Folk* "Rejoicing in the Hands" - Devendra Banhart (with Vashti Bunyan)* "Who Could Win A Rabbit" - Animal Collective* "Fever Dream" - Iron & Wine* "Crackerjack Fool" - Josephine Foster* "Angel Band" - Bob Drake* "To Be Alone With You" - Sufjan Stevens* "(Throw On) The Hazard Lights" - The Dirty Projectors* "I Want Wind To Blow" - Microphones* "You May Be Blue" - Vetiver* "Look At What The Light Did Now" - Little Wings* "It's You" - Animal Collective (with Vashti Bunyan)* "I Want To" - Born Heller* "Let It Rain" - Currituck Co.* "Circles of Sorrow" - Jennifer Gentle* "Alley Flowers" - Jolie Holland* "Hammers Sitting Still" - BR. Danielson* "Tea" - Charalambides* "Simon Is Stronger Than Us" - Angels Of Light* "Crumbling Land" - Avey Tare* "Pony Apprehension" - Holopaw* "Sweet Fever" - Scout Niblett* "Before And Again" - Akron/Family* "Little Boy" - The Children's Hour* "Apples, I'm Home" - Adam Green* "The Lake" - Antony and the Johnsons